CONFESSION: Sometimes, With My Wife, I Have to First Imagine My Crush to Cum - Am I Normal?

“Dear Editor, I need relationship advice. I was going through your site and I realised that you have a section for “Sex and Relationships” and as such, I assumed that you may be able to have someone in your newsroom that would give me advice or lead me where I should get it.

My name is Tomson, I am 38 and married with 2 children – a boy and a girl. My wife and I have been married for ten years now and I think I am nolonger able to achieve sexual satisfaction with her.

Most of the time, after long minutes of non-stop sex without ejaculating, I start imagining that I am having sex with my crush instead and only then have I been able to ejaculate. What could be the problem? Please help me.”

ADVICE

Dear Tomson,

Some people, both men and women, take quite a while to work their way up to an orgasm. According to medics and pyschologists, sometimes, it’s situational for instance if you’re drunk, fatigued, in pain, taking antidepressant medication, or pre-occupied by emotional stress.

We have been able to compile just a few remedies that can help you overcome that situation of taking long to cum and encourage you to rehearse them to save your marriage.

Cheer Up: Always know that you can orgasm. Pyschologists believe that most difficulties can be resolved with a do-it-yourself approach. Cheer yourself up around your wife and know that she will make you cum, take out the habit of having to think about someone else.
Don’t Tell Your Wife About it, Unless You’re 100% Sure She Won’t Find it Offensive: Opening up to your wife about it might seem like a good step towards helping yourself, but what is on the flip side? Are you sure she won’t be offended? Will it jeopardise your marriage?
Use Lubricants: Saliva, vegetable oils, and commercial lubricants enhance the pleasure of sensual touch and often hasten orgasm. Maybe your wife isn’t lubricated enough. A different feel of her may quicken your process of ejaculating.
Limit Alcohol: Alcohol makes people more likely to say “yes” to sexual invitations, according to research, but subsequent drinks depress the nervous system and may inhibit orgasm. If orgasms are a problem for you, limit yourself to one drink within an hour or so of intercourse and monitor the result.
Relax Deeply: Stress interferes with orgasm. Before you begin the horizontal dance, try a hot bath or shower, very relaxing. In addition, incorporate a stress-management regimen into your life: daily exercise, meditation, yoga, playing music, or anything else that leaves you feeling calm, refreshed, and emotionally renewed.
Spend More Time Self Juicing: Self-pleasuring teaches what turns you on and works you up to orgasm. For most people, as the frequency of masturbation to climax increases, so does the ability to have orgasms with partners.
Communicate With Your Partner: During intercourse, talk to your partner. Tell her your spots and things she does that excite you. Encourage her to do that more often. Let her study you and understand you, and that way, she will be able to make you cum.
Try Different Intercourse Position. Many men can climax more easily in some positions than others. Do you know your weak position Tomson? Experiment and discover it, so that whenever you’re running late, you suggest it.