World War 3! The Safest Places to Hide in Uganda

Fear and tension of a possible World War 3 have hit an all time high after the United States killed (in an air strike) Iranian General Qassem Soleimani, the head of the elite Quds Force and most influential Iranian military tactician in the Middle East. The air strike hit Baghdad airport and was ordered by US president Donald J. Trump.

A world war may have battle fronts in Europe and America, hardly Africa, but you can be sure, the war will have rippling effects on our motherland. Being a site that cares about the safety of our readers, we have compiled the top places to hide and be safe in Uganda in case the World War starts.

Najjera and Kiwatule

Since Uganda will have no direct interests in the war, drafting and recruitment of men and women to take to the battlefront will be conducted on a volunteer basis and/or forceful recruitment. If it gets to the worst and forceful recruitment starts, Najjera and Kiwatule are the safest places to hide.

Since the activity will be illegal, it will be conducted at night and guess what? It is always dark in those places, thanks to UMEME. You just lock your door and the recruiters assume you’re not in the house. Well, unless you take to social media to rant about lack of power and they trace your IP address.

Mary Stuart Hall, Makerere

When the war starts and they need soldiers from Uganda, no offence, but the priority to recruit will be men. Not because the women are not capable to hold in a war, but mainly because the war is not a safe haven for them.

The lawlessness that will be going on in Iran and their Sharia treatment of women will ensure they are safe here. Buy yourself a skirt and occupy one of the rooms in Mary Stuart Hall and you’ll be safe.

Busiro County South

The ruling party cannot send their people to war, to die. The recruitment centres therefore will be in staunch opposition areas. The nearest NRM constituency to the capital is Busiro in Wakiso, and that right there is the safe zone.

If you’re in Kyadondo East, my brother, I have news for you.

Kabarole District

Now, we know this is very far and you may probably be picked as part of the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) but trust me, even the Lingala know that Batooro are a very lazy lot.

Taking a Mutooro to the World War 3, is akin to carrying a sniper’s bait. You are just carrying them to die and you’ll probably throw them out there to be shot at by Iranian snipers so that you can identify their positions.

All in all, Batooro will be safe and they won’t go. The Bakiga, if you thought being rough has an allowance, it will come when the World War starts. None of you will be left behind.

Under the Bed

Finally, the safest place anyone can go to for a low budget will just be there in front of them. If your bed is raised enough and you can fit under, thank the gods.

Whenever the recruiters come to your neighborhood and start breaking into your doors looking for able bodied men, the soldiers will be assuming that no able bodied man can hide under the bed. They won’t look, and that is how you’ll survive.